I’ve been there. In fact I’m there right now. I’m single for the seventh Valentines Day in a row.
The last seven years I’ve seen the lovey posts on social media and seen the texts from my friends “look what so and so did for me” and had to respond with “that’s so nice!” all while thinking “be happy for them don’t be jealous” or “must be nice”.
For seven years I’ve seen the vacation photos, the wedding photos, the flower bouquet photos, the captions, the hand written cards, the gifts, the Matching pjs at Christmas photos, the years together posts, I’ve seen them all. I see them and I’m happy. I really truly am. I want the best for all of my friends, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at least 2% wishing that it could be me.
But for the 7th year in a row I am single.
You know who else is single right now?
The person who rang through your groceries today, they have to work 3 jobs at the age of 65 because they lost what they once had and are now single.
You know who else?
Khloe Kardashian. She looks great in everything, has money to do or get anything, has a body people would pay a ton of money for and she’s single.
You know who else?
Both my grandmas. I think we often assume being single means we can’t find someone to date, and maybe it’s because I’m not of the elderly age that I forget this, but there are millions of people who have loved and lost and who find themselves single again after decades of having a partner. For them being single isn’t about finding someone, it’s about living in this new space and navigating it alone and being content with it. I’m not saying it’s joyous or that they like it, but it’s almost like they have come to terms with it or maybe don’t even think of it as being single. I guess I should ask before I write about it!
You know who else?
You can likely count on two hands, ten people your age who are single. Not everyone is in a relationship. Even if the majority of your friends are, it doesn’t mean they ALL are.
You can also google “single celebrities” if you want a list of rich, good looking people who you can relate to, or who you may consider having “it all” and are single.
People with jobs, people with no jobs, people who have kids, people who have no kids, people who are wonderful people, people who are a bit douchy, people with dogs, people who smell good and people who smell funny…there are single people everywhere and there will always be.
You know who else?
The people I respect the most. The people who choose to be here. The ones who have made a very hard decision to leave something that wasn’t serving them. The people that have put their own hearts first and who have made conscious decisions to be single. To be patient and selective in finding a partner. The ones who have said no to being treated unfairly, who no longer felt loved, to the ones who stood up for themselves when it was against the grain.
The people who called off engagements when money was invested, the guest list was chosen, venues were booked, gifts were purchased and it just wasn’t right.
The people who were abused time and time again, emotionally, verbally, physically, and they finally said no and found a way to leave.
Y’all this is a CLUB!
Singles be proud. Embrace this season.
Cry when you’re lonely. Yell when you’re frustrated that “all” your friends have beautiful homes cause they can afford them easier on 2 incomes and you can’t. Scrunch up your face and roll your eyes when you listen to the girls at work gush about their Valentine’s Day plans, and then CELEBRATE when you can do whatever you feel like doing, when you have time to yourself, when you choose your heart and when you buy gifts for yourself on the holidays, have no one to answer to, and can eat brownies at 2am in the Kitchen without being questioned 🙂
To be single is to go through a season, a season that we often go through multiples times in a lifetime. We all start out single, and we all are single at different times throughout life. We can be single in a line up at the ski hill, we can be a single at the golf course. We can be single by circumstance, a result of breakup, or divorce, or loss. We can be single by making a decision to be.
Putting a ring on a finger and repeating vows to each other doesn’t even guarantee you will never be single again. Nothing in this world is forever.
Whether you’re divorced, widowed, separated, never have dated, recently went through a break up, haven’t been with anyone in years:
You are not alone
You’re enough
You are not less than
And you have a chance to use this time to make the most of it by doing what you like, what you want and you have freedom that most people haven’t experienced in years.
Be grateful for it and don’t take it for granted because like all other seasons…this too shall pass
Happy Valentines Day from a fellow single-ite; slightly jaded but still able to enjoy this day because hearts are my favorite shape, pink is my favorite colour, and chocolate is my favorite food group and I don’t need a man to bask in and enjoy any of those things!
Xo
Alli
Up My Alli 