I love to write. I always have. It used to be on “full scap” paper behind a blue writing folder and I would press so hard with my pencil it would often break. I’d have a big “yikes” eraser next to me that would make countless smear lines through my “rough draft” as I tried to figure out how I could best describe whatever I was writing about.
Now I write from my laptop.
It often takes a fresh cup of coffee, some quiet time in the morning and I have to push myself to make space to do it but once I’m in it, I get right in!
This morning I wanted to write about ten different things (as I usually do) but found myself reading through old blogs I’ve written over the years that I never finished and therefore never posted. There are at least 30-40 documents that have been saved as drafts because my fear of failure and knowing people might actually READ them and might judge me, holds me back.
The online world has been around now for longer than I’ve been alive. It’s moved so much further past faxing my friends on their parents fax lines, icq chat rooms and waiting for napster to download my fav bsb song and praying no one interrupts it by making a call. What I believe started as a way to help us learn and to help us manage life and make things quicker, is now this entire universe that I can’t even wrap my head around.
Anyone in the world can read what I have to say, so it scares the shiza out of me to post something that everyone can read and judge and comment on. But then I look at the things that help me and that I find comfort in and the things that help me find confidence and challenge me to do better, is the stuff I read by people who are so vulnerable and courageous in their very personal and honest struggles. Until I found these brave people online, sharing their innermost secrets and insecurities, I had no idea I had people to relate to and that I wasn’t alone in some of my very personal feelings of shame, guilt and lack of confidence I often experience.
All this to say that today I am inspired by a past Alli. The one who wrote a ton and left it in a draft file. I want to share it. Not all of it, but I want to be able to share more because I want to be the person who makes someone else feel less alone and to create an invisible tie that connects us as more than just humans all scrambling to survive and understand this world, but as souls.
So I’m taking some blogs out of the draft folder and I present to you…